You will realize that with PTSD there are good days and there are the Bad ones…

On a good day you never really forget and the memories and sadness are still there, its that numb part in your mind, that fogginess, the hazy drifts as the world happens around you.  Yep those are the good days.  On these days I can cope, I am happy and I can go on and live and be productive and over power the sadness and the thoughts.

These good days I think, yeah i can get back to the road, I can be out there again.  Wait, what if I get that call, or this call… what if there’s another body?  I cant go back there! Just like that, I have a flash of anxiety.  But it fades and goes away as quick as it came.  These are the good days!

Then there are the bad ones, the black and dark days.  Today is one of these days.  I feel numb, I cant concentrate, the world happens around me and I miss moments of it.  I feel tightness in my chest, my feet and hands tingle, my breath quickens and shortens at the same time.  Then like a truck, I’m hit with what if I die, what if today is the day i die?

I was sitting at breakfast with my colleagues, they were laughing and carrying on conversations and I barely spoke, I didn’t laugh and I missed a large moment of my morning.

On these bad days, I’m sad, anxious, numb and withdrawn… close to emotionless.  These days I feel like laying in bed and not moving, not speaking to anyone.  But I can’t, you can’t,  we have to push through these days, it’s part of the healing.  That’s not to say that you dont and shouldn’t take Mental Health days… you most definitely should, this is also a good part of the healing journey, you and your health comes first.  For once, you put yourself first.

On bad days I try and reflect at how far I’ve coming in my healing, how much strength ive gained knowing what I’ve survived, and continue to survive.

This is a brain injury and like all injuries, you need time to heal and mend.  So work hard on the good days and even harder on the bad ones.  Build resilience against the demons and build strength for your recovery.  Just know it takes time to recover from injuries, and be ok and accept that with some injuries, you have to adjust and do things different than before, and that’s ok!  This is a journey, and a fight at times, but it’s your journey and your fight, you decide how long and fast you go.

There is nothing to be ashamed of, you are not weak, I am not weak! Self-affirmarions is a good practice, be proud that you are seeking help…. that is true strength, to say I am not well, I need help!

You are not alone, we are not alone.  Speak up, speak out and live!

Break the Silence; Break the Stigma!