I wasn’t always a cop, and I wasn’t always so silver up top…And I didn’t start out with PTSD!

I’m a Police officer, I am a Man, a Father, Brother, Son, Uncle… and I have PTSD.  I was diagnosed in February 2017, but suffered for many years before, too afraid to come forward and talk about it…

Until the Thoughts, Memories, Visions behind closed eyelids, Night Terrors, Paranoia, Depression turned to seeing only one option, only one way out.
The only way out, that I saw was ending it… the only way I could end it was to take my life, because I knew I couldn’t live anymore with the Memories, Thoughts and Suffering.
Thankfully,  this scared me more than what the Stigma of mental illness carries or what people would think of me.
I didn’t care if they thought I was weak, or if they took my gun away, heck I was terrified to put that thing on my hip every shift at that point.   I looked at it as an option, but not an option to protect myself from the “bad guys” anymore this was an option to stop my pain.
But who was going to protect me; from me???  I knew I couldn’t sit silent any longer and with the most courage I’ve ever conjured up…

I wasn’t afraid to talk anymore and I opened up!